Last night I set my alarm earlier than usual with the plan that I would not be rushed. My plan failed because I was sucked into the best action adventure dream ever.
Dream sequence…
My roommate and I were renting an apartment in a major metropolitan city. We were just two single girls living the cosmopolitan life, sipping martinis and eating Thai food on our Crate & Barrel dinnerware. We turned on the five o’clock news and saw a reporter standing in front of our building. At the bottom of the screen was the headline: Apartment Complex Murderer. We looked at each other and screamed, “AHHHH!”
The next thing I know my mom and other relatives were in our living room. Everyone was so worried. Who could the murderer be? Was it the doorman? The building manager? The weird neighbor? Then comes a knock on the door. We were afraid to open it, but that didn’t slow down the guy on the other end. He pushed his way through — ripping the bolt lock through the wood like his gigantic muscles were ripping through his shirt. Everyone panicked, “AHHHHH!”
Beep! Beep! Beep! My alarm clock. No! Can’t stop now. Must know if this is the murderer. Must hit snooze.
“This building is on lock down!” the short version of Hulk Hogan yelled. “You must not leave! I am here to protect you!”
Whew. Not the murderer. Or is he? I don’t know who to trust.
Then comes a second knock at the door. It’s three men dressed in black. “It’s the murderers!” screamed my roommate.
“Everyone, relax,” said the Paul Rudd look-a-like. “We’re from the security team. We are going to install a state-of-the-art system…(Pause) What is that crashing sound?”
“It’s Little Big Hulk,” I said. “He just busted through our closet door.”
“Oh,” Paul’s twin said. “Here, hold this.” He handed me a small black remote.
“What does this do?”
“It cuts power to the city.”
“The whole city?”
“It has a 100-mile radius.”
“Cool. Can we try it?” Paul’s twin smiles and nods. My roommate rushes over. We push the button together. The city blacks out. People start running from buildings, screaming. We laugh and click the power back on.
Beep! Beep! Beep! My alarm. I can’t quit now. What am I thinking? Security consultants? That’s the perfect cover for…a murderer! Hit snooze.
Then, a third knock at the door. It’s a young boy from a village in India. “Come with me,” he says. “I will take you to safety.”
We all look at each other and shrug. We follow him into the hall and down a stairway we’ve never noticed before. The path continued through underground tunnels. “Our trip will be long,” he said. “We will stop and stay with some trusted friends.”
We walked and walked, and even though I was tired, I didn’t care. I wanted to keep going. I was finally starting to feel at ease knowing that we were headed toward a safe place. “Through here,” he said. He pulled back a curtain.
It was a small, cozy home and there were other travelers there. We neatly piled our sleeping bags and backpacks in the corner. I decided to make my way over to the others. I looked from face to face and stopped in my tracks. Staring back at me were two of my ex-boyfriends. “AHHHHHHHH!”
Beep! Beep! Beep! Yeah, this isn’t going to end well. Time to get up.
Laughing is required. 