The hubs and I went to Pensacola, Fla., last week with our friends, Brad and Christine. We were there celebrating wedding anniversaries and Brad’s birthday. Happy birthday, Brad! The beach was beautiful. Fine, white sand and clear, blue water. When we weren’t soaking up the beach, we were enjoying the charms that Pensacola’s locals had to offer.

Among our stops was Seville Quarter, which has five bars that are adjacent to one another. We spent some time with dueling pianos before going to the karaoke bar. The first performer we saw was a man who resembled a gnome. Like a real gnome! And what do gnomes sing? This one sang “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

I couldn’t fully enjoy the experience though, because a young girl who had her wrists bound together with a zip tie plopped herself down next to me. I tried to help free her but I really needed scissors and I wasn’t packing scissors that night. I don’t know why or how she ended up bound with a zip tie. And she didn’t explain herself.

While I was trying to figure her out, I enjoyed Flavor Flav’s look-alike sing a Led Zeppelin tune. And…he rocked it! But he was out performed by a guy named Bam-Bam who sang “Me and Mrs. Jones” better than Billy Paul could ever imagine singing it. He was amazing.

These locals couldn’t hold a flame to my favorite Pensacola 30-year-old named Jacob. Jacob was a character. His story never quite added up, but it was entertaining nonetheless. Jacob said he was from St. Louis, and that he moved to San Diego to work at Sea World. His job at Sea World was to shave the dolphins. You see, when dolphins are in captivity, they grow fine hair all over their bodies. So, he shaved them. He then left San Diego and moved to Pensacola to be a doctor in the Navy. Of course, Navy doctors only work a few days a week so he had a lot of time on his hands.

I don’t know Jacob’s real story, but he let me go through his wallet and I discovered that he is Jeremy Jacob from Nevada who is, indeed, in the Navy. I can’t confirm the dolphin shaving or the medical background, but cheers to you, Jeremy Jacob! And thanks for the flourescent pink hat that says “I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.” I will remember you always.