No shelf needed

My 7-year-old asked and asked and asked, and finally our elf  has arrived. He rarely sits on a shelf, though. Today he’s sporting a parachute, which got caught on our ceiling fan. I’m waiting for my 2-year-old to turn the fan on, sending Steve (that’s our elf) flying across the room.

While my older son believes, my toddler is oblivious. He’s also oblivious to how much he and Steve resemble each other with the same blue eyes and cheeky grins.

Here is a picture of my son after his haircut on Saturday.

Haircut

Here’s a photo of an elf.

elf-shaming-5[1]

I’ve heard of people resembling their dogs, but this is the first I’ve seen a person resemble his elf.

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Locked up

My son went to the police department with his Cub Scout troop this evening. When he came home he said:

“Mom! I went to the police station and I got to see where they put the drunks. In the olden days, either the police or the drunk people would have to clean up the puke. But now there is a drain on the floor and it flushes the puke out. AND, we all got locked up for four minutes!”

“How was that?” I asked.

“Really good.”

Sigh.

High-five, Stranger!

Around lunch time today, my coworker and I went on short walk to the library and to Planet Sub. We were exchanging small talk and enjoying the 70 degree weather (what winter?). As we were crossing the street, I noticed a man ahead of us ranting to anyone who would listen. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, and I was OK with keeping to myself. I kept my gaze down.

“She wears a short *ss skirt, and then gets all p*ssed when you try to talk to her,” he said angrily as we walked by. As we passed him, he started directing his rant toward us. “D*mn women. Y’all wear these tiny skirts and low-cut shirts showing off everything and then you act like you’re too good to talk.”

Then he started walking alongside me and my coworker.

“You women showing off your *ss like it’s everyone’s business and then shut a man down,” he said directly to us. “Why do y’all do that? Well, not y’all (motioning to us), but you know the sh*t I’m talking about. Pardon my language. You know what I mean, don’t you?”

He looked at me, waiting for an answer. I was having the internal debate of whether to answer him because it was the human thing to do, or to ignore him because who knows what answering him might lead to.

“I do know,” I said. “Misrepresentation.”

“Yeah! That’s what I’m saying,” he agreed with excitement. “Don’t wear something that says one thing and then act the opposite. Women should dress more like you.” He motioned to our outfits, the standard office uniform of black slacks and blouses. “You women are classy. High five to keeping it classy!” He reached out and gave us both a high-five. Then he laughed and went on his way.

High-five to keeping it classy.

 

Junk in the trunk

I have been meaning to exercise. In fact, around the first of October I was running about 2-3 miles, three times a week. But when I got back from vacation, and the need to be in a swimming suit was erased, I slowed down. Then it got cold outside. And then it was getting dark much earlier. And, you get the gist of things. The excuses piled up.

I mentioned to the hubs that I wanted to get back in shape with the goal of January 19. I have failed several attempts at motivation, so this morning I said to him, “I am putting you in charge of making sure we get more exercise.”

He loves exercising. It’s sick and twisted. I dislike it. DISLIKE. Anyway, I knew he wouldn’t mind the assignment. Apparently, I’m right.

He sent me an email with the subject line: Workout.

His message said: Here’s my winter workout plan for you, all of which can be done indoors.  I’ll print this off and bring a copy home for you.  Just remember that you did ask for this.

Upper Body
Push-ups: 15-25
Shoulder Press: 15-25
Rows: 15-25
Dips: 15-25
Curls: 15-25
Cross-leg Sit-up: 15-25
Obliques: 15-25
Sit-up, V-up: 15-25

Lower Body
Wall Sit: 1 min
Calf Raises: 25-50
Lunges: 15-25
Calf Raises: 25-50
Squats: 15-25
Crunches: 15-25
Mason Twist: 30-50
Leg Lifts: 15-25

Cardio
Jumping Jacks: 50
Jump Rope: 100
Burpees: 10
Jump Rope: 100
Stair Jumps: 50
Cross-leg Sit-up: 15-25
Obliques: 15-25
Sit-up, V-up: 15-25

One column per day. One minute per exercise, max. Repeat each sequence 2-3 times.

The subject of my reply back to him: Autoreply: Out of the office

My message said: Thank you for your message. I will be out of the office, tending to my husband who has lost his mind. I will check email in between psych sessions. If you need immediate assistance, please don’t hesitate to contact Lisa in the Marketing Department.

Donated

On the way home from a weekend road trip,  my 7-year-old  — who had been strangely quiet — asked, “If you hadn’t been donated, would this have even happened?”

“Would what have happened?” I asked, realizing that he was referring to my adoption.

“This. Our family. Everything,” he said. “If you had not been given away, would we all be here together?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I met your dad at college so maybe if I had still gone to that same college, everything would be the same.”

He accepted that answer but I know it’s far more complicated than that. It made me think about how all of the small, and sometimes very big, decisions we make shape our lives.

I haven’t been participating in the 30 days of Thankfulness trend on Facebook, so here’s my nod to it. I am grateful for the people who love me, and I love them back.

Scarecrow Story

This is the story my 2nd grader turned in to his teacher…

“Once there was a scarecrow named Isaac. He was a very smart scarecrow. He knew his times tables. One day Isaac went to the store to buy a new pair of clothes because his old pair was worn out. He went to the store. He looked for a bikini and some diapers. He finds his diapers and went back to the farm and had a fashion show.”

20121120-192322.jpg

He has iFever

Thanks to my parents, my 7-year-old has had an iPod touch for a while now. He has been trying really hard to figure out how to send and receive messages on his iPod. He has poked that green message app and asked me how it works at least five times. Me, not knowing any better, said he needed to have an email account to send messages, so he talked about creating his own email account. In fact, he was debating which email provider he wanted to go with this past Saturday night.

I did not know about iMessaging until Friday for two reasons: 1) I just joined the iWorld and 2) one of my coworkers shared some iTips. She explained that iPhones, iPods and iPads can send messages to each other for free.  So, when my 7-year-old came to me last night about that green message app, I knew what to do this time. A delayed bedtime and several “Is it set up yet?” questions later, he and I were iMessaging.

He would type out a message, hit send, hear my phone beep and start giggling like crazy.

When he woke up this morning, the messages kept coming. It’s pretty funny to see how excited he is about messaging. He thinks of the most random things to share just so he can send me a message. Here’s a screen shot from this morning:Messaging with a 2nd grader

After I hit the send button I could hear my son reading my message out loud to the hubs and laughing.

He ran upstairs to find me. “You said have a ‘goo’ day! You forgot the ‘d’ on good. Goo day!” he said and started cracking up.

Let the messaging bloopers begin.

Can’t commit

I have zero tattoos, but I like them. I really do. I appreciate well-executed tattoos that are works of art.

I would get a tattoo but I can’t commit to a  design or a place. Last week I dreamt that I got a tattoo on my arm and it was awesome. Then, (also part of my dream) the next day I freaked out because it was permanent and so “yesterday.”

So when I saw the story of the man who accepted $15,000 from a Republican to tattoo the Romney-Ryan campaign logo on his face, I instantly agreed that he belongs on Anderson Cooper’s RidicuList. See for yourself: CNN – Romney face tattoo

Grand Old Flag

Zack Lotto, serving our countryYesterday was quite the social scene — two very different scenes. I spent my lunch hour at a nonoprofit fundraising luncheon and  my evening at the Second Grade Veterans Day Music Program.

It was the typical music program with bleachers on stage, and the music teacher in front signaling words and actions for each song. The kids were wearing red, white and blue. Three of the boys standing side by side in the back row conspired to sport mohawks.

The difference with this year’s music program is that my younger son is 2 years old, meaning that he has more to say and he says it louder from his seat in the audience.

The program itself was touching. The kids sang a song for each branch of service. For example, they would sing the Army’s song and the Army veterans in the audience (dads, grandfathers, mothers, etc.) would stand. Some of the vets sang along. The audience clapped for those standing. 

In between each song it would get quiet, and that is when my 2-year-old would insert his thoughts…

Kids singing: And THE ARMY GOES ROLLING ALONG!
Audience claps. The room quiets down for the next song.
2-year-old (loudly): Yay! More party!!

I maybe should have taken him out of the gymnasium, but he became part of the entertainment.

When my 7-year-old got home, he spoke with my mom on the phone. I could hear him telling her, “Nana, could you tell Zack we sang for him tonight?”

Zack is a member of the National Guard and he has been in Kosovo as a part of the Aviation Unit Maintenance or AVUM Company. To Zack, and to everyone who is serving or has served our country, thank you!

Happy Veterans Day!

Loved one suffers from extreme couponing

A new reality show candidate shows potential….

Hubs: Feel free to make some salsa whenever you’d like.

Me: I haven’t made salsa in a long time.

Hubs: Yeah, but you used to.

Me: A while ago I made a batch that took us forever to eat. Why do you want salsa?

Hubs: Well, I may have fallen victim to extreme couponing.

Me: What do you mean?

Hubs: The tomatoes were on sale for 89 cents instead of the regular $1.29. And, I had a coupon for buy 10 and get $5 off, which equates to 50 cents off.

Me: You bought 10 tomatoes?

Hubs: Cans. I bought 10 cans of tomatoes.

Me: You bought 10 cans of tomatoes?

Hubs: They were a good price and you like to make salsa.

Me: I wasn’t planning to make salsa.

Hubs: But you can, if you want to. The tomatoes were only 39 cents each.

Me: What else did you buy? Crates of toilet paper?

Hubs: Very funny. Just the tomatoes. For now.

Me: You are scaring me.

Hubs: I scare you? You’re the one who made me dress up like Batman and go bowling in costume.

Me: Good point. Carry on.

Our very own Justice League

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